You may or may not have been affected by the volcano which cannot be named. It cannot be named, not because of some Harry Potteresque reason but because it is simply unpronouncable by most human beings, unless you happen to Icelandic. The Volcano has had its 15 minutes (well, 6 days) of fame. The BBC has even launched a pronunciation guide for it – now that’s real fame. Up until then, I was being a lazy reader and just sort of glossing over the name or referring to it as that Volcano in (or rather under) Iceland.

The incident raises some inconvenient safety issues. On the one hand, people are pretty happy to abide by safety restrictions, provided it seems sensible AND provided it doesn’t inconvenience you too much (or at least, not for very long). Six days is intolerable – especially if you’re living out of suitcase.

On the other hand you have the Aviation regulator (endearingly called NATS) who have the difficult burden of being damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Their decision now seems shakey and overreactive at best. But I have a good deal of sympathy with them. Because of the potential for a plane crash (where everyone dies), tolerable concentration guidelines for volcanic ash had been set very conservatively and up until then, it really hadn’t mattered because such incidents were pretty rare.

The fallout (probably ash actually) from the recent major disruption has caused them to bow to pressure (did I say that), sorry, to re-examine the evidence more scientifically and set a more realistic figure. This sort of thing happens all the time in lots of areas (occupational exposure limits frequently change as do recommendations on what you should eat to avoid cancer….). That’s because, frequently we have to moderate/interpret objective evidence with judgement and experience (now that sounds too close to risk assessment for comfort). We have to judge what is an acceptable risk and that can depend very much on not only what evidence or assumptions (i.e guesses) we have at the time but also who is taking the risk, our own sensibilities and public/political opinion.

Reviewing, refining, adapting to technical progress (and learning from mistakes) is just what happens. Potential problems never seem too important when things are running smoothly.

Annoyingly, the reporters and Icelanders seemed to be enjoying themselves far too much and saying that Volcanoe’s name far too fluently. Now, repeat after me Eyjafjallajokull…..

I recently embraced Oyster. I’m not talking about aphrodisiacs, shell fish allergies or any combination of the two. Instead, I mean the smart card system on London Transport. The card certainly isn’t smart, not in the Kensington or even Tate Modern sense. It can be loaded with cash and effectively acts like an electronic ticket. I used something similar in Hong Kong’s MTR system some 10 years ago.
The smart bit is that it automatically calculates your fare for various journeys and even utilises fare capping so you don’t pay too much. I think though, ‘smart’ probably means that it may come back to hurt you.

My use of Oyster all went well, for a time, being careful to ‘touch in and touch out’ at stations and, especially DLR. But I had a problem at Vauxhall station. Refusing to let me pass, the barrier shrieked “seek assistance”. Not having my psychiatrist’s number to hand, I instead talked to a guard. After several more tries, the barrier capitulated and let me through. The next day, I discovered Mr Oyster had charged me an extra £6 for an “uncompleted journey” and he was otherwise keeping his mouth firmly closed on the subject. Instead of the pearl of flexibility and convenience I thought I was buying, it turned into the grit of uncertainty.

Had it not been for a few other instances, I was just going to take the loss on the chin. But I began to suspect that the card was faulty. Since fortune favours the foolhardy, I like a lamb to the slaughter, engaged an attendant at Canary Wharf. I should have guessed by his demeanour and constant head-shaking as each customer left dissatisfied that he may not be customer focused. Unhelpfully, he concluded that the ‘uncompleted journey’ and all other instances were all my fault and that I must remember to ‘touch in and touch out’ (a phrase that is probably a truism for life in general no doubt). The technology did not lie.

Despite me protesting that this was precisely what I had done, I had witnesses to that effect and that perhaps the card was faulty, he could do nothing and instead I had to phone the helpline. Instead, I ‘sought assistance’ again at Waterloo. This instead was a master class in customer care. Not only was he prepared to believe me (that the card might be faulty) he credited all the overcharges and transferred the balance to a new card for good measure.

The customer care contrast was stark. The first presented a jaded, suspicious, ‘don’t waste my time’ attitude, treating customers like idiots. The second a customer focused, empowered, satisfying (I use that term loosely, but you know what I mean) encounter. I don’t appreciate being passed from pillar to post. I expect people to at least listen to me and take me seriously. Of course some customers are chancers, trying it on. But, being prepared to believe someone and at least trying to sort it out makes a big difference. My faith in London Transport was restored. I might even trust the ‘smart card’ to get it right.

Whether you like it or not, your people are your company; they have the potential to give good or bad impressions to customers in whatever capacity they work. When I finally die and leave this earth, I must remember to touch out. Although, I don’t remember whether I touched in when I arrived……

I really had to chuckle to myself when I read about the irony of Lord Young being specially invited to a Health and Safety exhibition by IOSH and then launching an attack at his hosts. Sure, he was ill-informed, blinkered and plain wrong with some of his facts but that made it all the more amusing. The point is, rightly or wrongly, that’s what some people think about the safety profession. This is despite years of chipping away at it by IOSH. And, that on its own was worth it as a reminder.

To a certain extent the safety profession deserve it. Everyone knows a weirdo and people love conspiracy theories – so much more interesting than the truth. It was rather telling that despite IOSH’s attempts to tell Lord Young what the real situation was, he stuck with his view. I think this means that people still think what they want to think and force of argument just doesn’t swing it. People just don’t think as much as we give them credit for (some don’t think at all). There simply isn’t the time. In any case, why should safety be any different.

Bankers, lawyers, tax collectors, MPs and even judges have striven for respectability over the years (I hear you laughing already). But what comes to mind when you think of them? – disrespect, ridicule, hate or suspicion? It doesn’t help being told that most bankers, lawyers, tax collectors and so on are terribly nice and charitable and wouldn’t dream of grabbing your cash and running into the sunset. It’s become etched into our culture and consciousness. It’s become a running joke. The British love to moan. They’re famous for it. They’ve taken it to a new art form – we positively enjoy beng miserable. And, once it becomes that much fun, it takes on a momentum of its own. The more you try to stifle it, the more you fuel it. You get “Outraged of Tooting” emailing the Times about the injustice of it all. Well, let me tell you – life’s not fair so don’t waste time getting offended; start poking fun at lawyers and bankers instead, they’re used to it…….

Don’t you just hate it when the the safety police (or your wife) smugly remind you how you should have done a job properly? Like they would have done any different given the same circumstances. It’s easy to carp after the event with ‘I told you so’. It’s no secret that most of us think we are better drivers than everyone else on the road (which can’t be true) and everyone out there is an idiot (which possibly is true).

I’ve done some stupid things but actually they didn’t seem that stupid at the time. In fact I’m writing this blog whilst recovering from my latest DIY plumbing-related eye injury. I can hear the sniggering in the background already. All I’ll say is that it could have happened to anyone and I was just a victim of that random combination of circumstances that we always think just happens to others. Importantly, I got the job done (the stigma of only half finishing a job is too hard to bear) and only had to waste 2 days waiting at A&E and the eye clinic.

Things only seem stupid (or at least ill advised) after the event. In my case, the questionable activities were often motivated by enthusiasm, impatience and a desire to get the job done. Whilst there are cases of deliberate rule violation and sabotage, most of the time people are trying to do the right thing, just doing it wrongly. In doing so they often resort to innovation and adaptation (i.e. using the wrong tools). That’s what I love about humans (I would like to point out that I am not an alien) – the undying ability to invent, innovate, adapt and utilise what they have to new situations. Sometimes we get it wrong (tools are made of cheese) but mostly it works. I’m not defending a ‘gung ho’ attitude here. Just that it’s pretty interesting.

Minor accidents can be good for the soul. And before that elicits a sharp intake of breath or gratuitous violence (whatever your leaning – but at least start on yourself first), what I mean is that good can come of them. I was lucky and, for a while at least, I’ll be stopping to fit my goggles before such activities (unless I’m pushed for time…).